The Latter-day Queer experience
Isn't an easy one.
It isn't easy to live,
And it isn't easy
To describe.
Here's the thing
People don't seem to understand
That in the Church
There are Queer members
As varied as the spectrum itself.
I can't speak for the others
But me?
I am a Latter-day Ace.
And the perception
That others hold of me
Is my own personal
Circle of hell.
When I was little,
I wanted to be
The good little Mormon girl.
But I grew up
To be a Latter-day Ace.
When I was a teen,
I was praised
For not giving in
To temptation
But little did they know
And little did I know
That I was a Latter-day Ace
When I was in college,
I was uncomfortable
While sitting through lessons
On laws that made my skin crawl
Looking back,
It makes sense.
But then?
I thought I was broken
I thought I was weird
I thought I was strange
I didn't know
It was even possible
To be a Latter-day Ace
The “one track mind”
That everyone else
Seemed to be talking about
Joking about
Living in
I couldn't think about
Without grimacing.
But I was still praised--
For not giving in
To temptations
I didn't even have--
Not for being
Me.
When I got married
The perception changed
I'd saved myself
So that must mean
I would start repopulating
That's what they wanted of me
To be
The good little Mormon girl
I'd always wanted to be
And the questions changed
From “how do you do it?”
To “when will you do it?”
These people think
That they have a right
To the intimate most workings
Of my personal life
“You'll want kids one day”
“You're not living up
To the trust
That God has placed in you”
Yeah.
Someone told me that.
To my face.
And this was someone who knew
Besides being infertile
That I am a Latter-day Ace.
I know that my siblings
And friends
Across the Queer Mormon spectrum
Hear these same things
And worse
And there's no end
In sight.
I wish that people
Cared enough to see
That being Queer
Is what makes me
Me.
I am not an abomination
I am not a disappointment
I am not less in any way
In the sight of my God.
I wish they could see
That there is no
One right way
To be a Latter-day Saint.
That I'm the same
Even as
A Latter-day Ace.
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