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  • Writer's pictureqmwproject

Both and Nothing, by Anon

“Mom, how do you know what gender a baby is?”

She looked up from the dishes

I didn’t like that look

“Oh, moms just, know!”

“But how?”

And how was I to know?

Too much testosterone, too big of breasts

I’ll spare you the rest

But school wasn’t fun

I was never good enough for anyone

When I turned 21, I knew I was gay

(That’s Doctor Who’s fault)

And then I realized,


If I have exceedingly large amounts of testosterone, male proportions, and breasts and ovaries…

I’m this weird thing called “intersex”

It’s why I never fit in

Women’s bracelets snap because my arm is too big

Bras are a pain in the chest

I can outrun and out-sport anyone, any day

My periods go every which way

And my new church won’t give me the priesthood

I’m not a man or a woman, I’m both and nothing all at once

I feel this weird urge,

I want to bless the afflicted people I see

I want to bless my sick cat

I had that power once, a lifetime ago, I’m almost sure

I remember the feel of my hands on people’s heads

And I want to work in the temple as more than just a flower on the wall, guiding people to the correct rooms

Yet I want to be a mother,

Teach young women’s,

Be a role model

Be a she

I’ve found my church,

why hasn’t she found me?

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1 comentário

15 de ago. de 2021

Moving, both elegant and raw, if that makes any sense. Blessings.

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