he does not come to you, by Elle Mae

they told me, "you come to God. he doesn't come to you." 

so i sat.

listened.

believed.

dug my fingernails into my palm and pulsed.

i didn't know why then, but i did.

sometimes it's not a choice

and it's never an easy not a choice to make

breathe

don't

breathe

"you come to God. he doesn't come to you."

hold your breath till you turn blue 

and wake up in a spinning heaven

or take deep breaths while you burn in hell

broken 

breathing

"why don't you just leave"

i left

i didn't expect God to follow me

i didn't expect a ram to rush forward

i didn't expect to be saved

a voice 

"I will not leave you comfortless."

"I will come to you."