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My Wish, by Sariah Starr

Updated: Jun 2, 2021

I wish I could understand it.

I wish I could explain it.

When he’s here the

grief is overwhelming.

The grief that it’s not her.

The grief that I am sharing

space that belongs to her,

and I have no reason to

believe that here is where

she would ever want to be.

It is a barbed and

double edged sword,

and I want it out of me.

It was almost out of me.

I feel that if he could

let me go that this

reserved space would

fill up with me.

There would be

more room to

understand why

I find myself

crying in a closet

when the man that

loves me with

all that he is

is patiently waiting

until I’m finished

with my meditations.

Instead I’m crying and

trying to get out the pain.

Trying to understand how

he assumes that

I don’t think of his feelings

when the thought of

sharing my bed with him

makes it hard for

me to breathe,

but still I smile and

offer up this sacred space

while my soul is

struggling to let

him love me.

Let him love me

when everything inside me

screams let me go.

Let me go.




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